Things we model for our kids whether we know it or no.

Things we model for our kids 
whether we know it or no.

Basically our children are imitators copycats
so whatever we do they copy and especially not the good things, but the bad things are replicated faster.

Bacche sunte nahi hai......

Listen to me.....

As parents we mostly struggle to make our children listen to us. 

Our greatest problem or issue is to make our children listen and obey to what we say.

What to do ???

If we always want our children to listen to us - Generally we command or instruct.

Our instruction or command is generally like this - 
"Listen to me",  " Why don't you listen to me " ???
Read this sentence again - it says ME and that's were the problem is.

Me, Myself and I are wrong words for a healthy conversation.

Why ????

Because everyone in this world, may it be toddler, a youngster,  a middle-aged person, everybody struggles to find a listener.

Listening shows kids they matter, we love them and their words are very important.

A healthy conversation with children will only happen if we listen more and instruct less.

Mark this next time and make a note of it.

What are you using more -

your ears or 

Your mouth

The normal scenario.

When children come to us, to share something......
the first thing we do is , (mostly 90/100 - times) 

Not now,

I'm doing some work, 

let me finish this, 

wait a minute.... 

Isn't it parents...????

We don't listen, we delay ...

The moment and the child both are ignored.

The child is left unheard, this child carries the burden and tries to deal with it.

Since, the child does not know to regulate the emotions, the child is disturbs and hence the drama starts.

Drama - shouting - screaming - crying - throwing tantrums etc.

Our behavior and our reply is the Childs learning ground.

The child learns to ignore listening.

We have to realize, that when a child is coming to tell or share something, we have to LISTEN. 

Present moment has to be addressed and not postponed or ignored. 

If we are doing something which is important, we should make that thing clear to the child without making the child feel rejected. 

If we want the child to wait because we are doing something which is very important and urgent our conversation should be like this - 

The child has come up with a problem and is crying - 

Parent - stop your work for a minute, make an eye contact with the child, hold him and very calmly tell the child -  

"Give me some time and I will talk to you." 

Let the child absorb what you have said, kindly wait for the child to react or respond. 

Even after this the child is not calmed hold your work and attend the child.

Why - because 

for the child, that talk or whatever he wants to share or tell us is most important at that moment. whether it could be just that the crayon has broken or the pencil is lost or the TV remote is not working or the friend has stopped talking to her or they had a little fight. WHATEVER

For the child, those emotions are extremely important and with those emotions they come to us and they want a soft corner and peaceful listening.

When we don't attempt this moment the volcano of emotion will be exploded.

Children will listen to you after they feel listened to 

- Dr. Jane Nelson

Present moment is most important

What we can do ??

Pause, make an eye contact with a child, hold/hug the child and allow the child to pour out everything.

This will release everything from the child's mind and heart.

To be in the child memory tomorrow we have to be with them today.

Today if we don't listen to them, tomorrow they will not listen. 

When children are young its important that we develop a bond with them because if today we ignored to listen, they will find listeners outside and our bond will become weak.

As children grow our parental bond with our children should become stronger each day, because when children start facing and meeting the people in the outer world, they get influenced easily.

The best inheritance a parent can give is children is a few minutes of his time each day.