Things We Model for Our Kids
Parenting is one of those journeys where every single action becomes a silent lesson. Whether we realize it or not, our children are constantly watching us. They don’t just hear our words — they absorb our tone, our body language, and even the unspoken messages hidden in our habits.
We often complain, “Meri baat suno!” but pause for a moment — why should a child “listen” if we ourselves struggle to listen to them? The truth is: kids imitate us more than they obey us. And while the “bad” behaviors are picked up instantly, the “good” ones require repeated modeling, patience, and time.
This gap — between what we say and what we do — is where the heart of parenting lies.
1. Children Copy Us, Not Our Lectures
Children don’t absorb what we tell them to do; they absorb what we consistently live out.
It’s why a child may quickly learn to hold a phone glued to their eyes — because they saw us doing it. But when it comes to reading books, praying, eating slowly, or showing kindness, it takes weeks, even months of reinforcement.
Why? Because “bad” habits often come wrapped in instant gratification — loudness gets attention, gadgets give quick entertainment, junk food tastes good. But “good” habits require discipline, patience, and consistency. And that’s why our role as parents is less about preaching and more about modeling.
Anecdote:
A mother once told me how her son refused to say “thank you.” She scolded him often, but nothing worked. One day, she noticed that she herself rarely said “thank you” to her husband or her maid. When she began modeling gratitude sincerely, within a few weeks, her son picked it up naturally.
Children mirror, not memorize.
2. The Power of Listening
“Mumma, mujhe kuch baat karni hai…”
And nine out of ten times, the reply is: “Not now, beta, I’m busy.”
From our side, it isn’t rejection. We are often genuinely occupied with work, deadlines, cooking, or managing the home. But for the child, it is rejection — because what they wanted to share was important to them.
For us, these may sound “small” — but for them, these are their emotions.
When a child gathers courage to say, “Mumma, listen…” they are not just sharing words; they are testing, “Do my emotions matter? Do I matter enough for my parent to pause?”
Anecdote:
A friend once shared how her daughter came running to her, saying, “Mumma, meri crayon toot gayi!” She was busy with a client call and brushed it off, saying, “Later.” That night, her daughter broke down crying at bedtime, saying, “You don’t care about my things.” For the child, that broken crayon symbolized her feelings. That moment taught the mother that sometimes, listening for two minutes can save hours of emotional damage.
3. Why Rejection Breeds Tantrums
But tantrums are not random misbehavior. Often, they are unspoken cries for connection.
When a child feels unheard repeatedly, they experience emotional rejection. Slowly, this pressure builds up. And when children don’t know how to express their feelings, they explode in the form of shouting, crying, or aggressive behavior.
It isn’t that they enjoy misbehaving. It’s that they don’t have the words or the emotional maturity to say:
“Mumma, you didn’t listen to me yesterday. I felt small. I felt invisible.”
So instead, they scream, cry, or refuse to cooperate.
Anecdote:
A father once told me his son always shouted when he came back from school. On exploring further, he realized that the child wanted to share every little school story immediately, but the father often delayed it till dinner. That “delay” looked like disinterest. The moment he started giving 10 minutes of full attention right after school, the shouting reduced drastically.
4. The Struggle of Parents
But let’s also be fair — parenting isn’t easy. Every day is a balancing act. Parents juggle professional deadlines, household chores, bills, relationships, and personal fatigue. In this chaos, it is natural to slip and say, “Not now.”
We don’t reject because we don’t love. We reject because we are overwhelmed.
Yet, here lies the challenge: our child cannot see the why. They only see what.
For them, “Mumma didn’t listen” equals “I am not important.”
And this gap, if left unaddressed, becomes emotional distance.
5. Modeling Listening in Everyday Life
So, what can we do? We can’t drop every task instantly. But we can model listening in ways that show children they are valued.
Pause & Acknowledge: Even if you’re busy, look into their eyes and say, “I want to listen, beta. Can you give me five minutes to finish this?” This way, they know they aren’t being ignored.
Create “Listening Rituals”: Bedtime, dinner table, or evening walks — fixed slots where the child knows they’ll be heard.
Value the “Small Things”: If your child is upset about a broken crayon, don’t dismiss it. To them, it’s not “just a crayon” — it’s a world.
When children see us model patience in listening, they too learn to be patient listeners in the future.
6. The Hidden Lessons We Teach
When we slam a door in anger, we teach them that anger means aggression.
When we stay calm under pressure, we teach them that problems can be handled with balance.
When we gossip about relatives, we model how to speak behind people’s backs.
When we respect others’ boundaries, we teach them empathy.
The question is never “Are we teaching them?”
The question is “What are we teaching them, knowingly or unknowingly?”
7. The Need for Conscious Parenting
Aware that our tone matters more than our words.
Aware that our “no” should not sound like “you don’t matter.”
Aware that when we apologize, we model humility.
Aware that when we listen, we give them permission to be emotionally expressive adults.
Anecdote:
A mother once yelled at her son unfairly during a stressful morning. Later, she calmed down, went to him, and said, “I’m sorry, beta. I shouldn’t have shouted.” To her surprise, her son hugged her and said, “It’s okay, Mumma.” That day, he learned that even grown-ups can make mistakes — and also that saying sorry doesn’t make you weak, it makes you stronger.
8. Replacing “Meri Baat Suno”
Because parenting isn’t about authority, it’s about connection. When we constantly demand attention without giving it, we are teaching hierarchy, not empathy. But when we model listening, children slowly learn that communication is a two-way street.
Conclusion
Because when we listen, we are not just hearing broken crayons or lost pencils. We are hearing their hearts.
And in those little moments of listening, we are modeling the biggest lesson of all — that love means presence, and presence means listening.
If we want children to listen to us tomorrow, we must listen to them today.
.jpg)
.png)
Comments
Post a Comment